The fruity pops are in the post...
Mambo
Number 5
Wales
Nr England
PUT5 5AN
If you can post my certificate of ownership of 5% to...
Loudwon
Number Won
England
Middle of Nowhere
Village
ID1 0T
Oi Melle Dodo you never wrote me back!
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P fan #1
Joined: Jul '07
Posts: 1,415Posted 16 years ago # -
P fan #1
Joined: Jun '08
Posts: 1,874Posted 16 years ago #Dear Double Do
What?s your problem yo
Heard you're dissin? Wiltshire on the radio
So I'm writing to put you right
You better sleep with one eye open tonight
Soooooo...Just coz your stuck Up North (UPPPP NORTH) behind the wall
And you've got Maynard Moose?s chewing wine gums in your hall
Don't mean you can give us game like we're all playing Basketball
You tartan basteds are heading for a fallYou wear skirts
Yeah I hope that insult hurts
Believe in giant lake dwelling mammals
And did you know haggis isn?t a real animal?!!You got oats
And little sail boats
Weak ass castles with filthy moatsYou've all got rusty ginger hair
From the sh!t weather up "dare"
And think the height of fashion is the flare
You don?t even use plural
?coz your more backwards
Than the Yorkshire rurals
Dares
To beYou toss cambers
And have cholesterol levels that are dangerousFrom the poor diet you consume
Think your tough coz you got heather and thistles growing in the gloom
Well I got news for you we got no room
for haters that call sh!t taters
Good bye adios see you later!
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P fan #1
Joined: Jun '08
Posts: 1,874Posted 16 years ago #Yo, I just got this letter man, some kinda jerk called "loudwon"... better write him back and let him know what's what.
Listen what the hells wrong with you,
Your letter writing skills make you sound like a fool.
Just make sure you stay the f*ck north of hadrians wall,
Or all the local nutters will hear my battle call
From the sky, glass bru bottles will fall,
For the finishing move, massive kick to the bawsMotherf*ckin wiltshire? never heard of it sucka,
I'll put that sh!t on my map, so I know who to f*ck up,
The land of caravans and f*ckin traffic jams,
Where you know everyone in your village,
Cos your one big fam.I ain't talking bout in a metaphorical sense,
I'm saying your all related, ain't sitting on no fence,
Your brother is your mother and your dad is your gran,
Seems like people down your way all look like the same man,
And not surprisingly he's ugly too
Start diversifying your gene pool, it's just not natural dude,Scotland is the land of fine whisky and women,
Wiltshire is the land of dodgy beards and sheep screwin,
Oh sh!t that's right I took it there,
Just don't mention Aberdeen, cos that sh!t ain't fair...Next time you feel like writing to the scots,
Just remember world cup 2010 unbeaten,
That's our lot.I look forward to reading your next illiterate letter,
Yours sincerely, you smoke dodo, the one who writes better.
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P fan #1
Joined: Jun '08
Posts: 1,874Posted 16 years ago #I'll upload a video of me bustin some moves soon...
BUSTIN MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!!!
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P fan #1
Joined: Jul '07
Posts: 1,415Posted 16 years ago #Let me clear my throat...
Ahem ahem...
L.O.U.D Won man
L.O.U.D Won manYo that was so weak
You sound like a child that can barely speak
A rhyme dictionary you should seek
Unless you want your fellow Scots to weapCoz you get beat in a battle
Oi Dodo thats not a mic
its your rattle
Your rhymes stink like Highland cattleOI WATCH OUT!! A toy from your pram
just hit ya mam,
or is that ur dad
Whatever, but I can see why ur an ugly lad!The only thing you Do Do better
Is dress up in gimpish leather
And parade the street
From Glasgow to Aberdeen each and every weekLooking for some action
But living up North
You cant get no Statisfaction
And you your street cred is so low its expressed as a fractionLike 1/4
You step on the stage ya get slaughtered
But not drunk
Just dissed and disposed of like a punk
Like getting wacked by an elephant trunk
Coz you didnt bring the funk
Or the flow
That man Dodo he's got to go goBack to rap school
Lesson one you failed 'How to be cool'
Coz you turned up and said Loudwon was a fool
We all know I'm your idol
I hold the highest titleI got inducted into the Hip Hop hall of fame
You got disposed of like Double K destroying the Game
You better go into witness protection and change ya name...
You could be Sue, or Sally or just live in a trash can in a back street allyI'm from the W.I.L.T shire
And I set the mic on fire
With the fresh dope lyrics I spit
oi oi oi wait...Wait...
This sounds like a number one hit!
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P fan #1
Joined: Jun '08
Posts: 1,874Posted 16 years ago #Oh yeah? OH YEAH?
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P fan #1
Joined: Jun '08
Posts: 1,874Posted 16 years ago #Yo the closest you'll get to a number one hit,
Is when you piss on the street and the wind blows it,
All over your left leg and your scuffed up shoes,
Yo give the hip hop a miss and try your luck with the blues,Cos lets be honest, you've got plenty to moan about,
Your rhymes are weak, they ain't got no clout,
You trying to match wits with me,
Is like finding a f*ckin goat up high in a treeITS RARE
and it'll keep getting rarer,
Is that a real word?
I know what I'll do, I'll ask your main carer,
yeah that's right, I'm talking about your mother
I don't know her, it's a bit too much bother,
Queuing up in the line that's waiting for a shot,
I've heard down in wiltshire they call her little miss HOT,But wait a minute, we're all gentlemen here,
and I'm sure your mum is a lovely old dear,
Let no one say, that the scots don't have manners,
If they do, I'll brain em with my f*ckin spanner,Dude... wait... what?
Can't remember what I was saying,
It's my chronic weed, free from pesticide spraying,
The sh!t you get, down in wiltshire today,
It's f*ckin rotten, and damp through all the way,
So when you're trying to get high of that horrible green,
Just remember up here we got the premium scene.So I've attacked the two things most important to you,
Your sh!tty bag of weed and your momma too,
What you got to say about this letter tattle
Mambo wants us all to have a crazy dance battle... -
P fan #1
Joined: Jul '07
Posts: 1,415Posted 16 years ago #Ring ring who's that on my telephone
Oh its yo momma telling me to leave you alone
Says you got no brains in yer dome
And take pity on him coz he calls Scotland homeI said dont worry about it bitch
I'm schooling him in the trade like a Grand Warlock teaching a trainee witch
How to do magic spells
And where to find eye of newts... down wellsLike your style
Its been missing for awhile
Last time I saw it
Was on the side of a milk carton in CarlisleYour wack ass words dont hurt me
Just like you they only wanna flirt with me
They lift up their skirt for me
Yeah your words are on their knees if front of meSee you spit em out your mouth
And they head straight down South
Coz they cant wait to escape from you
They head to Wiltshire and bring me gifts and presents tooWe can dance, we can paint, we can sing
I'll tell you one thing...Dodo dude, you just cant win.
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P fan #1
Joined: Jun '08
Posts: 1,874Posted 16 years ago #Like your style
Its been missing for awhile
Last time I saw it
Was on the side of a milk carton in Carlislef*ckin class! ha ha...
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P fan #1
Joined: Jun '08
Posts: 1,874Posted 16 years ago #you basted! have a good weeked
*high five*
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mod
Joined: May '05
Posts: 1,879Posted 16 years ago #Wow, never thought I'd read an online cypher... Nice writing you dickheads! Even though I don't get most of your weird-ass references, they still have the same effect... get me laughin' my ass off.
You had me rollin' Loudwon with that," your street cred is so low its expressed as a fraction."
Pretty much all of the entries today had me giggling like a school girl.
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