Finding Bin Laden, Episode 1

Written by: John Cornett, Michael Turner & Christopher Portugal

[Narrator:] Hidden deep in the mountains of Pakistan, we find our villains: Osama Bin Laden and Mullah Mohammed Omar, hatching their newest plan to terrorize America.

[Osama:] Damn, that shit is tight, homie!
[Mohammed:] Damn, this beat, it makes me say "fuck!"
[Osama:] You loves that shit, don't you, bitch?
[Mohammed:] Word up, B, word up!
[Osama:] No doubt. These beats, they make us the stars in this America!
[Mohammed:] Word, we'll be the stars!

[GW:] Shit, goddamn! I picked a bad time to stop doing blow! Fuck!
[Colin:] Hey, George, this party's wild, man!
[GW:] I can't think about these parties. I gotta shift the public's attention away from this Enron shit. Get me Thes One, Double K on the phone!
[Colin:] Mothafucka! I'm tryin' to shake my ass and show 'em what I'm working around!
[GW:] Fuck it! I'll call 'em my-damn-self

[Waitress:] You have important phone call, People Under The Stairs!
[Double K:] Don't bother me, man. I'm eating.
[GW:] I know how it goes, homie, but we got a real important job for you over in the Middle East. Some hip hop rap heads are tryin' to start some funk. The American people demand your help!
[Double K:] Yo, we got a job to do. Pack a bowl, man, we going for a trip.
[Thes One:] Word.

[Thes One:] Ay-yo, man. We're lookin' for Osama Bin Laden. Uh, we got some beats for him, man.
[Taliban rapper #1:] So, you think you can take us in the old school MC battle. Is like this, my friend. If you win, then we can fall to show you the way.

[Taliban rapper #1:] One, two, three and to the four
Camel-riding Hajji and Aziz is at the door
Ready to make an entrance, so back the fuck up
'Cause you know we 'bout to bomb shit up
[Taliban rapper #2:] Word up!
[Taliban rapper #3:] Give me this mic, so I can bust like this bubble…
Azizs and Hajjis, so you know you in trouble
Ain't nothing like a Taliban thing, baby
Two low down Muslims going crazy!
[Crowd of Arabs:] Boooooo!

[Thes One:] The raw-deal raider of cross-faders with flavor
Swinging through battles like lightsabers with beta
The ADAT track contaminator, word creator
I template to eight or sixteen, none greater
[Double K:]To my knowledge and understanding, we in demand
Command tracks, manhandle wax
We doing it for the sake of raising the stakes
These niggas is fake, put down the microphone
Pick up some gloves and a rake and think about it
Who stay grounded in the richest of soil
[Crowd of Arabs:] Yay! I love you motherfucker! You great! I love it! I love it! We love you!

[Taliban rapper #1:] People Under The Stairs, your rhymes are newest and best. You got us, me main man. We will now show you where Osama Bin Laden is.

[Thes One:] Damn. Anyone home?
[Mohammed:] Nobody's home, motherfuck!
[Double K:] Look, man. We're with MTV Cribs, alright. We wanna film your cave.
[Osama:] Damn, B. This is our big break! It's time to represent our clique. Represent our clique!
[Mohammed:] No, this is a trick. I recognize those punk motherbitches. It's the People Under The Stairs, and I am sure they are here to do us harm. Don't worry, though… I have a plan! Invite them in to smoke some of this poisoned hash!

[Narrator:] What will become of our heroes now? Will Thes and Double K escape the evils of terrorism? Who will be able to stop Osama Bin Laden and Mullah Mohammed Omar now? Tune in next time to see the dramatic conclusion of… Finding Bin Laden!!

*Important Note: These transcriptions are not verified with P.U.T.S., so there may be errors. We are especially unsure of the greyed-out text. We encourage you to offer your suggestions for lyrics corrections on the site's main page.


This track appears on the following releases:

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