The underground vs. the significant other

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The underground vs. the significant other

Started 15 years ago by boombip / toggle topic info

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latest reply from SactownConnection

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boombip

P fan #1
Joined: Mar '10
Posts: 818

Posted 15 years ago #

Hahaha, intense title but i had a thought/question i wanted to run across my fellow P FRIENDS. (sorry if i rant for a while, but i know y'all will listen..its just im a little buzzed and this is something i want to get off my chest with people who genuinely care about music)

What do you do if the person your dating/ starting to date/ or even your bf/gf doesn't like underground at all or just really hasn't heard it or been into it?

The reason i bring this up is because being in a new relationship, i've ran into this issue.

My ex LOVEEEED underground (we discovered it together) we went to concerts together, listened to it all day, found new songs together etc. It was something I loved about him because it brought us SO close.

People who have a passion for music (you all) know that music IS a huge deal...is it worth giving up a relationship or fighting over? not necessarily, but i honestly stopped dating people because we couldn't match up on music at all... makes really sh!tty car rides, smoke sessions, just lounging around and listening to music etc...

well case in point... I have a new boyfriend and he is in a fraternity (which is a huge influence on him cause all his bros listen to typical main stream (in MY opinion of course) like Wiz, lil wayne, even *rolls eyes* songs that Kay perry sings and techno ish sh!t like that...he has even admitted being in a frat influenced him because back in LA he never listened to the more "pop" like music.

The thing is, he knows im OBSESSED with underground and 90s hip hop, especially stuff from the g-funk era like Warren g, dr. dre, snoop etc.

Well hes from LA so he loves Dre and sh!t and one thing i noticed is that when were in the car, he will put on hella dre and stuff i love which i think is nice that he tries to listen to what i love, but as well something that he likes as well...

well when it comes to underground, he hasn't really gotten into it BUT a major breakthrough came through the other day..

I never told him, but the first underground song i EVER discovered and liked was "Silly Puddy" by zion i n the grouch, and the other day when i was listening to my phone, he was like "i like that song" and it was "silly puddy" i thought it was funny cause that was my first song i discovered. I see he is trying to find things that he likes and he even went through the new Zion I and grouch CD that i had in his car.. so far he only REALLY liked one song that was on it, but he found it himself and its nice.

I see him trying and its nice that hopefully maybe one day hell really appreciate it and get out of this mainstream BS LOL. but anyways, back to my point... how do you guys handle it? does it matter to you? do you introduce them and keep playing it all the time, or what?

I try to find some underground songs that are a little more "mainstream" to try and reel him in slowly, and its sort of working :-p
tsi-shelltoed

new cat
Joined: Mar '11
Posts: 15

Posted 15 years ago #

Peace....

For starters I am in no way shape or form an expert on relationships; I dont intend to come off like one. However, I have been married for a few now and can tell you that the basis of your relationship should be built on trust love and respect. This is just how I see it.

I cant stand some of the music that my old lady listens to. I've had to tolerate several roadtrips listening corny stuff like Lady Gaga and Rhianna . She's had to tolerate listening to Pete Rock and CL Smooth and Grand Daddy IU too. We do find a happy medium though. She's put me on to Jasmine Sullivan and Adele...and she loves Little Brother and Foreign Exchange now....We both love old school funk and jazz too.

The only thing I'm concerned with is that my wife has my back. She's always in my corner when the smoke clears. I'll always hold her down through whatever. The music is secondary to me.

In restrospect I've dated girls in the past and the barometer to which I judged them on was based on how "soulful" they were, what music they listened to....etc. When I look back, I'm ashamed because it was really shallow of me to look at relationships/ dating on those terms.

Trust me...there's alot of women who listen to the same music I do, who are assholes.....lol
boombip

P fan #1
Joined: Mar '10
Posts: 818

Posted 15 years ago #

oh ya dont get me wrong, i dont think a relationship is based off music what so ever ..i was just seeing how people handle it :-p good for you though! :)
SactownConnection

P fan #1
Joined: Oct '08
Posts: 3,255

Posted 15 years ago #

I'm with shelltoed on this one, most definitely, about music not being a centerpiece for the relationship, but with my wife and I, it's certainly important for us, because we're both REALLY into music. And we are seriously day and night on the issue. She performs in musicals regularly and her social scene involves clubbing with a bunch of gay guys all the time. I used to play piano in coffeehouses and sing my own music, and I grew up in a HIGHLY musical family. So yeah, as confusing as it sounds: for us, it matters, but it doesn't. We've just had to learn to respect each other's stuff, even if we cringe when we hear it.

(On a side note: the only girl I dated before my wife that really liked the same music I did turned out to be ridiculously shallow, so that was my first hint.)

My wife WENT to a Lady Gaga/Scissor Sisters show in Sacto a few weeks ago (Scissor Sisters actually aren't as bad, at least they pay homage to the disco/funk thing and can lay down a backbeat that's ALMOST sample-able), and she listens to some sh*tty dance music like Kesha, Rhianna, etc. regularly. (She once called Kesha "crack"... I almost made a refence to my *ss at that point, but stopped short). Like I said, she also does musicals, too, so she listens to that stuff in the car all the time, and it can get pretty rough. She's also a severe Glee fan (Gleek), so she's playing remade songs from that show all the time. When I heard the remake of "Give Up the Funk", I almost jumped out of the car on the freeway. "JUST MAKE IT STOOOOOOP!!!"

My philosophy on music has always been that I don't care about genre, but the people making the music have to really believe in what they are doing. You can even do a track about how you're only in it to make money, but you have to get me to believe that through the music. Music is like an orgasm: you can tell when someone's just going through the motions (even if they love singing/having sex and they have the talent to make it good), and you can tell when someone is wrapped up in it and it's blowing them away (the soul behind it almost involuntarily comes out like a tidal wave)... if it's fake, I get offended and toss the CD/woman to the curb. If I hear some girl in Glee singing some cover track, I'm just thinking to myself that she's wasting her talent because it's not connected to the feelings in her head that would make her understand what's going on. That's not to say you can't feel someone else's track, 'cause you KNOW Aretha believed EVERY WORD of "Respect" when she took it from Otis.

Anyway, personal feelings toward music aside, this is how my wife and I handle it: if we're in her car, she can listen to her stuff: Glee, "Avenue Q", "Wicked", "Hairspray", "42nd Street", that Tik Tok song, I Kissed a Girl, Britney Spears, whatever. She doesn't really think of me and hold some of it back at all. When we get in my car, I play my stuff WITHIN REASON. I'm a pushover, and I know she doesn't like some of what I listen to, so I keep the crazier stuff to myself (Ol Dirty Bastard, rock bands that have singers with "grating" vocalists like Radiohead and Smashing Pumpkins, rap music that demeans women, etc.), but I still play PUTS all the time. It's unbalanced, but whatever, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make because the love means more to me, and I'll listen to the other stuff with friends or on my iPod.

We have some stuff we both like: Ben Folds, Belle and Sebastian, Peter Gabriel, Jim Croce, Jamiroquai, Stevie Wonder (especially Stevie Wonder), and so we listen to that stuff a lot together. When she does like some of my music, she REALLY likes it ("The Influence" by J5 and "A Little Samba" by UD come to mind... she sings/raps along with those all the time), so we play that too.

Anyway, who's next on the essay posting?

EDIT: Also, one last point: I try as hard as I can to bring her new stuff every day (she liked the beat to that "1 Step Ahead" by Revolutionary Rhythm that was introduced on the boards a while ago), so finding things that we both like actually means more to us now than identifying the stuff we don't like, so it actually gives us another reason to come together on things and helps us discover ourselves, and that's a part of any relationship... so that's some food for thought right there.
mambo7891

P fan #1
Joined: Jun '09
Posts: 1,659

Posted 15 years ago #

HAHA! Very intresting post boombip and one i find relevant, my musical taste is eclectic and varied, german hardcore techno gabba all the way to bob dylan and everything in between, shuffle is an odd experience on my i-pod. lol. anyways, ive always had peeps telling me i listen to utter sh!t so im kinda used to it when the missus goes off on me for my terrible taste yet she listens to that glee crap and other IMO rubbish, however, a little give and take is important, shes coming round to more of my music, she digs PUTS, J5, Cypress Hill, Mr Scruff and others, were off to see Bonobo on friday but at the same time ive stopped being such a musical snob (it had got to the point where i was refusing to go places because of the choice of music being played) ive loosened up and chilled out a bit, theres some alright pop/mainstream music out there, most of it is still crap but i just live and let live.

The important thing is ive got her and she makes me happy, if she digs what i dig then great, if not then its cool to have different hobbies and intrests, hell, if you met an exact clone of yourself but the opposite sex, how long until it would get boring if you both agreed about the same stuff?

Sactown and shelltoad have summed it up better than i could, but theres my bit!

Peace, and good luck with your new BF!
boombip

P fan #1
Joined: Mar '10
Posts: 818

Posted 15 years ago #

I love talking to you guys! you actually make valid points and it all makes sense. Music is such a HUGE deal to me that sometimes i do get uptight and tell him how much some of the sh!t he listens to sucks, which needs to stop cause my music isn't necessarily good to other peopl! just different taste. I have worked on it though and just let him listen to what he wants in the car, but he does play stuff i like often so i know hes trying. He makes me super happy so hopefully itll only go up from here!
SactownConnection

P fan #1
Joined: Oct '08
Posts: 3,255

Posted 15 years ago #

mambo7891 said:
at the same time ive stopped being such a musical snob (it had got to the point where i was refusing to go places because of the choice of music being played) ive loosened up and chilled out a bit, theres some alright pop/mainstream music out there, most of it is still crap but i just live and let live.

+1 ... this pretty much describes my situation too.

boombip said:
I love talking to you guys!

feeling's mutual.

boombip said:
He makes me super happy so hopefully itll only go up from here!

As long as he's doing that, I'd say you're in for a fun time. We PUTSboardians wish you the best, homie!
AGP

LP
Joined: May '05
Posts: 349

Posted 15 years ago #

I'm getting married in June.
My missis HATES everything about my music.
Like every single track I play, she loathes, almost as a rule. Be it soul, funk, reggae, hip-hop, jazz, afrobeat...whatever.
Its the biggest difference between us really and if someone took me in a Delorean to tell my old self back in 91 that in 20 years time I was gonna get married to a girl listens to Take That, I would have knocked my future self out.
But things work out strange...
She has sh!t taste in music, but I love her and there's not much I can do about it (apart from wear headphones)

Needless to say the wedding soundtrack is causing disagreement...but thats for another thread.
SactownConnection

P fan #1
Joined: Oct '08
Posts: 3,255

Posted 15 years ago #

Haha... Word, AGP. I know just how you feel.

I wasn't sure if you were talking about the dance floor music or like a "party favor" CD, but if you make a wedding CD, you just gotta go with a compromise and include stuff from both your collections, or find some high-school prom type sh*t that's romantic... Like "I've had the time of my life"-type stuff... Here was the CD I put together for mine (mine was the oldies, prom type):

You Are The Sunshine of My Life - Stevie Wonder
Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear - Elvis Presley
Here There And Everywhere - The Beatles
God Only Knows - The Beach Boys
For The Longest Time - Billy Joel
I Love Every Little Thing About You -Stevie Wonder
A Long Time Ago - Jim Croce
I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch) - The Four Tops
Let's Stay Together -Al Green
Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
Turn Me On - Norah Jones
I'll Have To Say I Love You In A Song - Jim Croce
The Luckiest - Ben Folds
As - Stevie Wonder (this is a CLASSIC track, y'all)
When I'm Sixty Four - The Beatles (hidden track)

Sure, it's corny as hell, and it's nowhere near as personal as Thes' mixtape for his wedding, but the ladies and the old timers eat that top 40 radio sh*t up, and weddings are more for those people anyway. If it were up to me, a quiet mutual agreement during a tender moment with my lady is all the wedding I need, not some big ceremony.

And if you're talking about dance floor music for the reception... well... let's just say that there was only like one or two good tracks (in my opinion) at my wedding, but again... the ladies just ate it up. They had that "all the single ladies" track and the party went wild. My advice is just let your lady have her way, and play your sh*t at the bachelor party, haha.

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